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- I learnt not to trust adults with the real story
- Honesty hasn't felt safe
- I'm protecting myself the only way I know
- I'm scared of what will happen if you know
- I'm trying to avoid shame or punishment
- Truth-telling led to harsh consequences before
When children lie or hide things, our first instinct might be to focus on honesty and consequences. But if we pause and ask "what is this behaviour really telling me?" we open the door to understanding and healing.
Lying is often a protective strategy learned when truth-telling felt unsafe. When we respond with curiosity and compassion instead of punishment, we help children learn that honesty can be safe with us.
The goal isn't to excuse the behaviour - it's to address the underlying fear or need so that honesty becomes possible.
If your school is looking to create environments where all children feel safe enough to be honest about their struggles, our Emotionally Healthy Schools platform provides training and resources to support trauma-informed practice across your whole school community:
👉 https://clear-sky.org.uk/emotionally_healthy_schools/
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